alt_edYET ANOTHER TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT MY FLATMATE!
July 17th 2008 01:55
There’s nothing I like more than sitting in front of the TV, unwinding after work. Just lulling into a state of limited consciousness as I am hypnotised by the ridiculous stories covered on Today Tonight. Last night was just any ordinary evening… until my flatmate came home!
She rocketed through the front door about 8pm, with her voice ablaze in a heated phone conversation; she stormed through and slammed the door shut. Thirty or so minute’s later she emerged from her cave and greeted me in a less than enthusiastic tone.
I let her be, and went back to watching some emergency rescue show, wondering if perhaps someone could rescue me.
A little later I forced back in to consciousness by an awful smell permeating threw the house. I turned my head around, and saw my flat mate cleaning the floors… with BLEACH!
So here’s yet another TEN things I hate about my flatmate.
1. She cleaned the floors with bleach. Sure no big deal right? Well let me explain, the floors are polished timber, not to mention she was using a spray bottle. I really love the colourless patch that’s appeared on my sneakers!
2. Recycled toilet paper. Yes I know, I should just be happy that finaly, after 4months she’s purchased some toilet paper; but she got the cheapest crap (excuse the pun) one can buy on the market today. It feels like an industrial belt sander is being applied to orifices that quite frankly shouldn’t see the light of day! When I questioned her, she simply said “if you want the expensive stuff you can buy it”. So I did, only to find she was using it too- I’ve now taken Cibuanno’s advice and hidden my rolls.
3. The microwave. Yeah sure, microwaves get a bit groty from time to time, reheating a curry often results in a cow-pad style splatter BUT only god knows what the F&^# my flatmate has been killing in ours! The smell is stomach churning, and even a lemon has failed to eliminate the odour which is a cross between wet-dog and garlic.
4. The hot water, this has always been a sore spot. She recently introduced a 10minute shower rule, to ensure that we could both have 2 hot showers a day. On Monday evening however, the hot water was, well stone cold. Apparently this rule doesn’t apply to baths! I don’t know how many times I have to explain that our spa-sized tub uses more water that the watermizing showerhead!
5. it’s time for her, once again to hand over her share of the rent. Like always though, she’s resting upon the excuse that she forgot, assuring me though she will remember to deposit some $$ into my account when she has “time”.
6. Her friends! Yes, I’m getting increasingly sick of her friends dropping by when she’s not home. One of them in particular is happy to nest on the lounge and await her return.
7. Alcohol… she’s a bit of a hypochondriac but this just takes the cake. She’s now diagnosed herself as being alcoholic! Apparently the AA meetings are really helping her cope with this, and she’d really like for me to remove all alcohol from the house, you know with the temptation and all. The other news that came as a shock to her was that Antidepressants and Alcohol actually shouldn’t be mixed—Well DAH!
8. Her ex-boyfriend is driving me around the bend. His visits are becoming increasingly frequent and intrusive and I’m really, really tired of this continued saga between them that’s now been dragging on over 4months…
9. Early morning vacuuming, yes because there’s nothing better than the sound of a Dyson at 6am on Saturday morning.
And this may be the most disturbing of all....
10. She’s developed a New Zealand accent. Having recently bought herself series 1 & 2 of a Kiwi comedy ‘Outrageous Fortune’, my flatmate has begun to mimic Cheryl West (pronounced ‘Sheera Wust’). The kiwi invasion just has to stop, I can’t handled any more of these fush & chups jokes, or worse the munce meat!
She rocketed through the front door about 8pm, with her voice ablaze in a heated phone conversation; she stormed through and slammed the door shut. Thirty or so minute’s later she emerged from her cave and greeted me in a less than enthusiastic tone.
I let her be, and went back to watching some emergency rescue show, wondering if perhaps someone could rescue me.
A little later I forced back in to consciousness by an awful smell permeating threw the house. I turned my head around, and saw my flat mate cleaning the floors… with BLEACH!
So here’s yet another TEN things I hate about my flatmate.
1. She cleaned the floors with bleach. Sure no big deal right? Well let me explain, the floors are polished timber, not to mention she was using a spray bottle. I really love the colourless patch that’s appeared on my sneakers!
2. Recycled toilet paper. Yes I know, I should just be happy that finaly, after 4months she’s purchased some toilet paper; but she got the cheapest crap (excuse the pun) one can buy on the market today. It feels like an industrial belt sander is being applied to orifices that quite frankly shouldn’t see the light of day! When I questioned her, she simply said “if you want the expensive stuff you can buy it”. So I did, only to find she was using it too- I’ve now taken Cibuanno’s advice and hidden my rolls.
3. The microwave. Yeah sure, microwaves get a bit groty from time to time, reheating a curry often results in a cow-pad style splatter BUT only god knows what the F&^# my flatmate has been killing in ours! The smell is stomach churning, and even a lemon has failed to eliminate the odour which is a cross between wet-dog and garlic.
4. The hot water, this has always been a sore spot. She recently introduced a 10minute shower rule, to ensure that we could both have 2 hot showers a day. On Monday evening however, the hot water was, well stone cold. Apparently this rule doesn’t apply to baths! I don’t know how many times I have to explain that our spa-sized tub uses more water that the watermizing showerhead!
5. it’s time for her, once again to hand over her share of the rent. Like always though, she’s resting upon the excuse that she forgot, assuring me though she will remember to deposit some $$ into my account when she has “time”.
6. Her friends! Yes, I’m getting increasingly sick of her friends dropping by when she’s not home. One of them in particular is happy to nest on the lounge and await her return.
7. Alcohol… she’s a bit of a hypochondriac but this just takes the cake. She’s now diagnosed herself as being alcoholic! Apparently the AA meetings are really helping her cope with this, and she’d really like for me to remove all alcohol from the house, you know with the temptation and all. The other news that came as a shock to her was that Antidepressants and Alcohol actually shouldn’t be mixed—Well DAH!
8. Her ex-boyfriend is driving me around the bend. His visits are becoming increasingly frequent and intrusive and I’m really, really tired of this continued saga between them that’s now been dragging on over 4months…
9. Early morning vacuuming, yes because there’s nothing better than the sound of a Dyson at 6am on Saturday morning.
And this may be the most disturbing of all....
10. She’s developed a New Zealand accent. Having recently bought herself series 1 & 2 of a Kiwi comedy ‘Outrageous Fortune’, my flatmate has begun to mimic Cheryl West (pronounced ‘Sheera Wust’). The kiwi invasion just has to stop, I can’t handled any more of these fush & chups jokes, or worse the munce meat!
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Comment by David Jobling
Adelaide News | Your News
Sound Pet
Short Performance Works
Probably not.
Unless they are actually your friends as well and you and they/she/he are very close - there's no reason to let them in. If you need a reason to say no, then I suggest you simply say you are enjoying some quiet time in the house while you are alone, and would rather the friend didn't wait for the flatmate in the house here.
Any reasonable person would understand this. And surprisingly once you have asserted yourself (and your rights to enjoy a bit of time at home alone) you will probably find it will not happen again.
Rules in a flat/share house... well if there's a need to 'police' showers - then it obviously needs to be broadened to include water usage in general.
If there's a computer in the house with internet access you should set it up to pay rent on line so it can be done at home, so there are no excuses regarding payment of rent into your account - or whichever account it goes into.
As flat mates you simply share a space. It is probably a good time to sit down and explain that you are not sharing your life with her, and she needs to become sensitive to that - she shouldn't burden you with her life and all the intricacies of it - boyfriends, friends, relatives...
And in the mean time (since I haven't really followed this seemingly saga) maybe you should stick a few notices up around the local uni/college or supermarket with the room for rent - and explain to her that all of these little things have led you to feel you really need to find someone who is either compatible or at least willing to sit down and discuss your expectations and come to some compromises - if you hold the lease you are the one who is responsible, and so it really is you sub-letting to her - and she needs therefore to hear what your problems are so they cn be addressed by her moving the frick out
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
I'm kinda in a bind now though... I just bought a house with my partner and were moving in, though not for a few months. So i've decided to just ride out the storm with my current flatty as I doubt I would find anyone suitable, and willing to move in for a short time.
As for the rent, I have suggested she use phone banking to deposit it into my account-- She's a little dense though, and things take time to sink into her skull at times.
Comment by David Jobling
Adelaide News | Your News
Sound Pet
Short Performance Works
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
has she really declared herself an alcoholic and banned you from having alcohol in the house?
that happened to me once, but i dont see that friend much since someone told him he wears "old man pants" haha
also the recycled toilet paper thing is soooooo annoying
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
She's started going to AA-- She went to three different ones in the space of a weekend to try and find one with the least amount of 'bogans'...
She's gone insane! In protest though, I drank two bottles or Riccadonna last night haha...
And we both know, i didn't mean they were old man pants that he'd stolen from a mens hostel- just that the print was retro!
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Perhaps this will help, as you suggested to katyzzz, a little suggestive porn will spice things up.
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
What a well sculptured physique you have… Why, oh why do you hide it beneath that pudgy old exterior? I guess its true- There’s a little ‘Gay’ in all of us!
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
A Global Citizen
Paranormal Paranormal
Is Why
Alaska Chronicle
Thanks for using the flashing icon, the advertising helps.
Comment by ratchet
make believe
Life As We Know It
Your roomie has committed two unforgiveable sins in my opinion. The hot water and the cheapo toilet paper. Most of her other faults can be forgiven (or at least dealt with using ear plugs and/or ratsak), but freezing water or scratchy tissue on one's delicate skin is too great an insult to bear.
If only you had a voodoo doll.....
Comment by Anonymous
This woman is so laid back she's practically horozontal, has, over the last 2 years just about worn through the sofas as she spends so long with her fat ass glued to them watching trivial game shows drinking about 2 bottles of wine a night & moaning about not having a job having left one that she didn't like.... that would be the having to get up in the morning bit I guess... yet that will do it every time.....(luckily has savings so mortgage is still getting paid). Thus being jobless things any fridge food is now communal property, funny how the alcohol consumption hasn't gone down though?...
I work away a lot & long hours but when I'm working from home have observed the following: whilst lardo generally surfaces about midday, scratches her arse and has a flick through the paper on the pretext of job hunting (as if!!). Goes shopping comes home, cracks open a bottle & the cycle starts anew..... different crap TV shows are the only variation.
All this wouldn't be so bad if she actually cleaned the place .... occasionally but we've got a sodding cleaner who is prettty useless but flatmate won't fire her as she hasn't the backbone (plus I think she slept with her husband some time back... weird coincidence huh?). So unemployed lardo still not cleaning, I think she's allergic, well possibly not vertical for long enough in a day to attempt anything as energetic as cleaning.... so it's butlers day off yet again... or that will be me then....
After working away all week & a 9 hr drive home today in the pissing rain I walk in through the door & ms sloth 2008 is semi-pissed on sofa with some stinking smelly food ponging out the kitchen, staring at crap TV & starts bleating about some mail for previous owners (SHUT UP who cares?????) waiting for her equally slothlike man to arrive & down 2 bottles each before they have a noisy grunty drunken shag in the room above me (bed about 10ft from my head).... sexy I think not, silence is golden, I just don't want to know.....
All I want is to do is get my washing done & get some sleep..... too much to ask???
Comment by alt_ed
Alted Opinion
ArtCombat
The Inner Saintdom
And Anon, GOD, GET OUT! While you still can haha... Where do you live perhaps we could hook these too fermenting females up? they'd be a perfect match by the sound of it lol... Best of luck