alt_edTen things I hate about my flatmate.
June 30th 2008 04:55
1. She eat’s my food, without asking… then if she replaces something of mine, often goes and eats the replacement - which she then DOESN’T replace!
2. She often uses ALL the hot water! At times when the house has been full, there have been 6 people showering twice a day - now with just the two of us, we run out of hot water every second day.
3. When I have friends over, she likes to go to bed before 10Pm. And will often turn the TV right down, or wake and tell us our whispers have woken her. Yet when her friend’s visit, it’s party time with not only the house, but the entire street kept awake with drunken sing-along’s on the veranda.
4. She hates buying toilet paper, preferring to place a box of tissues for emergency use until I am left with no choice but to purchase more. Then on the off chance she does feel compelled to buy some, she will walk in the door with a 2pack!
5. She loves hanging her clothes out to dry in the lounge room, with two heaters speeding up the process - apparently the dryer is too expensive WTF???!!!
6. She complains about the washing up, and that it’s always left to her – we use different dishes, and I’m sorry but I don’t see a need for me to wash my ONE bowl and your ENTIRE set of PLATES!
7. She loves to complain about being overweight, and how much she’d like to be thinner – often whist spooning a jar of nuttella.
8. She never pays the rent on time, blaming her forgetful memory yet her other expenses are never overlooked.
9. My four seater lounge now only seats/sleeps one, as she snuggles herself in refusing to make room for myself, or my guests.
And last of all…
10. She fucking slams and crashes every door in the fucking house anytime she is awake before I, yet complains about the noise I make locking the front door when I leave for work when she’s in bed!
2. She often uses ALL the hot water! At times when the house has been full, there have been 6 people showering twice a day - now with just the two of us, we run out of hot water every second day.
3. When I have friends over, she likes to go to bed before 10Pm. And will often turn the TV right down, or wake and tell us our whispers have woken her. Yet when her friend’s visit, it’s party time with not only the house, but the entire street kept awake with drunken sing-along’s on the veranda.
4. She hates buying toilet paper, preferring to place a box of tissues for emergency use until I am left with no choice but to purchase more. Then on the off chance she does feel compelled to buy some, she will walk in the door with a 2pack!
5. She loves hanging her clothes out to dry in the lounge room, with two heaters speeding up the process - apparently the dryer is too expensive WTF???!!!
6. She complains about the washing up, and that it’s always left to her – we use different dishes, and I’m sorry but I don’t see a need for me to wash my ONE bowl and your ENTIRE set of PLATES!
7. She loves to complain about being overweight, and how much she’d like to be thinner – often whist spooning a jar of nuttella.
8. She never pays the rent on time, blaming her forgetful memory yet her other expenses are never overlooked.
9. My four seater lounge now only seats/sleeps one, as she snuggles herself in refusing to make room for myself, or my guests.
And last of all…
10. She fucking slams and crashes every door in the fucking house anytime she is awake before I, yet complains about the noise I make locking the front door when I leave for work when she’s in bed!
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Mate, you DO HAVE the housemate from hell!!
But with every problem, there is usually a solution...usually... but not always!
However, here is what I suggest;
IF your name is not on the lease, then find somewhere else to live, and MOVE OUT IMMEDIATELY, leaving her this list, in case she is wondering why!!
IF your name is on the list, then play PAYBACK! Stop being so considerate.. BUT.. FIRST, line up a good pal who would like to share your place with you, have them on standby, then get them to help, and all your pals, to wage 'war' against the bogan bitch.
Throw small but noisy parties starting late, but not noisy enough to wake the neighbours.
When she turns down the TV, turn it up again when she goes back to bed, and keep doing it.. and ignore her screaming if she tries to pull that one, just talk over the top of her.
Keep your toilet paper in a locked cupboard.. only you have the key to... but leave out a single packet of that shithouse shiny useless single sheeted paper you get in some public toilets.
Buy a small bar fridge for your room and put a lock on it, and a lock on your bedroom door.
Start using throw away plates and cups and tell her the washing up is now nothing to do with you!
Find out if she has allergies...then cover the place in whatever it is.
Invent a stalker, tell her he is some really heavy old fat biker that saw her at the pub and he wants her...no matter what she says.. get a pal with a Harley to drive by at night every now and then, and jump up screaming, "OH MY GAWWWD IT'S HIM!!!"
Keep this all going, all at the same time, and I am sure she will leave.
By the way, the rent thing is a real bad situation.
However, if it is only you on the lease, then just kick her arse out onto the street.. but get a replacement first! (Proviso; that she does not have big thug mates...)
cheers and good luck, keep us posted as to what happens.
fog
P.S. If you find you cannot do any of the above, that is ok, but, you must find a way to extricate yourself from that awful household..PRONTO.. or face the fact that somewhere in your subconscious you are actually enjoying all the trials and tribulations.
If so, admit it, you masochist, and enjoy!
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but Cibbuano has a point- what am i left to write about if she leaves? lol
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but Cibbuano has a point- what am i left to write about if she leaves? lol
Ahaaa alt_ed!
But there's more...no not steak knives.. BUT.. if all else fails, nahh!
Cibby and you have a point, however, there is much mileage to be made out of trying different tactics to rid yourself of the bag, and posting about the aftermath of each removal attempt.
Besides, it can be quite an amusing pasttime for you!
She seems like she has the hide of a buffalo, so I am sure it would take weeks to get anything to sink in with her anyway!
Then, if it works, you can start a new blog
"How To Get Rid Of Your Housemate!"
I bet it will be popular too, but we would have to co-write it or, in fact, have an open forum, as more minds make a richer mental soup!
cheers
fog
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