alt_edBlunt, I know, but women deserve a sex life too.
July 31st 2008 01:30
Towards the end of dinner parties, when you can’t stumble to the bathroom without kicking an empty wine bottle, my friends and I play a little game. We name the straight men we know who we think are gay. That is, men in established heterosexual relationships, who swish around the place, love musicals, say the campest things, get all touchy-feely and basically present a poofy persona. Not the straight guys we wish were gay: that list is much longer. No, I’m talking about the She’s gotta be! list.
The number shrinks as some names on the list reach mid-life crisis and come screaming out of the closet. The strange thing is: it’s not the girly ones who do. It’s the three-day growth men; the brutes who hang around at barbecues bursting out of their polo shirts. The ones who engage you in serious conversation over a beer with “Don’t you gay guys miss tits?” while their own gym-honed tits almost poke your eyes out. They’re the ones you’ll be bumping into at Ken’s – Hellllo! – while the queeny guys who are good at soufflés seduce one female after another.
All it proves is stereotypes can lie. So can hormones.
I’m pondering this because a friend of mine is going through a fluid sexuality episode. It’s no mid-life crisis; he’s in his twenties. And gay? Well, he ticks the right boxes. Gym, musicals, gourmet cooking, and he gets a crush on any male shop assistant with a visible piercing. Nothing unhealthy there, but the other day he confessed he is starting to have strong feelings towards a girl. “I think I might want to marry her,” he said.
“Marriage?” I joked. “So you feel like beating her up?” (No way I’m playing the sympathetic gay friend. Such a stereotype!)
“I’m serious! What’s happening to me?” He sniffled like a drama queen. “I want to buy her flowers and nice things. I want to keep her safe and take care of her. I love her.”
“Have you been hanging around card shops?” It was all getting a bit Hallmark. Of course, I asked the obvious question. “Do you want to have actual, penetrative sex with her?”
He took a long time to answer. While we were waiting, I described a man I’d seen at a party the weekend prior. Everybody had clocked him: the sad eyes, the sweater that fitted so perfectly it might have been sprayed onto his body, the stubble-free pink scar running down his left cheek … I knew that would do it.
“Ohmygod, facial scars are hot!” my friend shrieked. “I’ve got a huge thing for them.”
“OK,” I said. “This girl can be your best friend and you can buy her presents and hire security men to keep her safe if you insist, but you have to let her know you’re gay. Otherwise it’s like telling her she won Oz Lotto and this week the prize is three dollars.”
Blunt, I know, but women deserve a sex life too.
The number shrinks as some names on the list reach mid-life crisis and come screaming out of the closet. The strange thing is: it’s not the girly ones who do. It’s the three-day growth men; the brutes who hang around at barbecues bursting out of their polo shirts. The ones who engage you in serious conversation over a beer with “Don’t you gay guys miss tits?” while their own gym-honed tits almost poke your eyes out. They’re the ones you’ll be bumping into at Ken’s – Hellllo! – while the queeny guys who are good at soufflés seduce one female after another.
All it proves is stereotypes can lie. So can hormones.
I’m pondering this because a friend of mine is going through a fluid sexuality episode. It’s no mid-life crisis; he’s in his twenties. And gay? Well, he ticks the right boxes. Gym, musicals, gourmet cooking, and he gets a crush on any male shop assistant with a visible piercing. Nothing unhealthy there, but the other day he confessed he is starting to have strong feelings towards a girl. “I think I might want to marry her,” he said.
“Marriage?” I joked. “So you feel like beating her up?” (No way I’m playing the sympathetic gay friend. Such a stereotype!)
“I’m serious! What’s happening to me?” He sniffled like a drama queen. “I want to buy her flowers and nice things. I want to keep her safe and take care of her. I love her.”
“Have you been hanging around card shops?” It was all getting a bit Hallmark. Of course, I asked the obvious question. “Do you want to have actual, penetrative sex with her?”
He took a long time to answer. While we were waiting, I described a man I’d seen at a party the weekend prior. Everybody had clocked him: the sad eyes, the sweater that fitted so perfectly it might have been sprayed onto his body, the stubble-free pink scar running down his left cheek … I knew that would do it.
“Ohmygod, facial scars are hot!” my friend shrieked. “I’ve got a huge thing for them.”
“OK,” I said. “This girl can be your best friend and you can buy her presents and hire security men to keep her safe if you insist, but you have to let her know you’re gay. Otherwise it’s like telling her she won Oz Lotto and this week the prize is three dollars.”
Blunt, I know, but women deserve a sex life too.
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Comment by Cibbuano
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I had a gay friend that came out and said he fell in love with a girl. He shocked everyone, most of all his mother!
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It's a complicated thing coming out after you've already come out as something else...
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Comment by Chris Champion
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"He shocked everyone, most of all his mother". I love that.
Morgan
Interesting observation. History, literature and a rather large percentage of my years are full of straight men loving straight women in perspective-defining, gut-wrenching, life-changing ways. But there's no doubting the deep/loving friend/relationships which gay men and straight women develop. I'd always thought of it as something driven from the female side, but your comment has me wondering why I should see it that way.
alt_ed
Interesting post, beautifully written
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Interesting perspective- do you think all gay men love woman more than str8 men, or just a the more 'camp' gay guys??
Thanks for stopping by Pete
And thank you too Chris..
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